297 replies to this topic

[yung havok]

Today we went to a huge administrative building on the outskirts of town where he could finally make a passport. While we were sitting around waiting and bored i noticed a huge world map so i called him over and said can you point out new york on the map, he said "cannot", then i said how about thailand and he replied with a shy laugh and shook his head no. Then he read the word brazil on the map. I was about to tease him about not knowing where thailand was when suddenly he asked me where my plane stopped when i flew to thailand, i said sometimes hong kong and sometimes japan. He wondered why it would stop in japan since japan was passed thailand, as he traced the line with his finger. I said no the plane flies this way, west. He looked at me puzzled because the map ended. Right there it dawned on me that he doesnt understand the concept of the earth being round. I said "the earth is round" and made a gesture with my hands. He said "oh like 1 baht" i said yeah kinda like a bowling ball. He smiled gleefully at acquiring this piece of information. Then he asked me if all the countries were on the same planet or if there were more than one. i was almost at a loss for words when i realized it was a serious question. I told him only one. This conversation left me not only puzzled but disheartened.

[Surin Nix]

Why disheartened?

I find her honest innocence somehow heartwarming.

If a physics professor writes out one of those endless physics problems that requires 3 blackboards (do those exist anymore?..."blackboards), I would glaze over after the first line. I guess I'd be ignorant, meaning uninformed, about physics. But does that make me unintelligent? What if the physics professor thought I was an ignoramus? Does tha make it so?

You're probably like that physics professor to your girl.....a genius.

I say just do as you in fact did. Explain it, and enjoy helping her fill in the admittedly considerable gaps in her understanding.

[yung havok]

Youre right Nix i shouldnt have let it weigh to heavily on my mind, but it did, afterwards when he was getting his photo taken, id felt like the chair had just been pulled out from under my ass. I felt sorry for him. When he came back he was upset because the woman processing his paperwork made him tie his hair back in a ponytail for his passport picture, a clear signal that he was a man and not a lady. At this moment I realized that a ladyboys life is one heartache after another. Regarding something Rx mentioned about the cost of bolt ons. I think a vast majority of the p4p ladyboys or isan ladyboys in general settle for the 45- 55,000 baht implants. Most of the ladyboy friends shes spoken and shown them to think 73000 was overpriced. Theres this popular ladyboy named Yoshi alot of the girls look up to, she got hers done recently at the Kamol clinic in Bangkok and paid 150,000. But shes done movies and is on TV so I'd consider that the absolute ceiling. My conclusion was that it was a gamble and paying more didnt necessarily mean we were going to get better results. I do think that me being there the whole time and speaking to the nurses and surgeon and letting it be known that I was paying and spending the night in the hospital gave them more accountability and incentive not to fuck things up. The surgeon did a hell of a job. Its been 2 weeks and they look on the money. Im forecasting the boobs to soften up and hang a little more and look damn near perfect. He didnt go to big which is a good thing 410 was the size. So many skinny ladyboys go way bigger than they should hence the bolt on, coconut look. He also went through thw armpits so theres no visible scar, it just looks like another crease in his armpit. Its done, im just glad its over with, it was something that made me queasy just thinking about it, but it worked out. Thanks for the comments guys

[yung havok]

They tell me its the first sunrise in siam, it came through the window like a  million gallons of water crashing, his head was banging against the screen door, we kept it closed because of the mosquitoes.  Sex has become a sort of tedious obligation ever since his surgery, a misguided attempt to get my moneys worth, the necessary evil that furthers our connection and perhaps degrades it. In the midst of the action my thoughts drift to the Lao fishermen puttering around in the Mekong river below me, a guy in a skimpy junk casts a net and pulls his hat down and sleeps, a man in a boat that looks like a switchblade reels a line in, yanks on a cord and an outboard sputters, could i have been born on this river? im yanked back to reality "finish please, my stomach" his usual war cry. Sometimes i feel like he cant wait till i go home, sometimes i feel like im all he has in this world. using my dick as a kind of cattle prod i steer him over to the bed and mount him, i feel the end coming. He speaks of himself in the third person, now hes repeatedly mumbling his name, an attempt at a reprieve.  We both caught a cold from his four year old neice and five year old nephew before leaving the farm, his nose is running, im fucking him so hard im not sure that its not his brains leaking out.  Fully torqued and straight down to the root i unload. I moan and my voice echoes through the secluded jungle resort on the banks of the mekong and the fishermen below look up. I laugh to myself "sorry bastards". The ladyboy says"yeah yeah yeah" and runs to the toilet calling me a motherfucker.  I looked out off the balcony happy to have escaped the city, everywhere you look around here is vast expanses. A place where my mind can open up.

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[yung havok]

I didnt care that his family soured on me because i refused to support any of them or give any of them handouts. His father quit the monk act, which in my opinion is a kind of social welfare system in thailand. He had free room and board, got free food and monetary handouts, it also helped him dry out from alcohol, to some degree, and keep his nose clean so to speak. At first it was a reaction to me "making milk" for his son, i guess he thought if i could pay all that money then i could certainly support him. His threats, pleas, whatever fell on deaf ears. The guys been nothing but an anchor that almost sank my ladyboy. His grandma wanted some kind of financial reimbursement for wanting to marry the ladyboy which i never said id do. Basically saying you're going to marry him and youre going to pay me to do it. His greedy aunt wanted me to pay for things like tractor rentals and pay farm hands to work the rice fields, on her farm, in the same village but having absolutely no association with me except when she would come over to freeload on dinner. Needless to say id already been more than generous with the lot of them greasing all there palms and whatnot, paying for all my food and not asking any of them for anything. I basically stayed in our room and disassociated myself from everyone. theres this crazy thai notion that all falangs are on this financial pedestal and they must squeeze every last ounce of blood out of them. Its tragic. Her fuckup brother whom ive never met was having trouble paying off his new motorbike and implored his grandma to weasel some cash out of me which he did not get. He had a grandma 2 fat old aunts and a few female cousins. Some times we would sit down to eat and id be surrounded by these old thai ladys jabbering away at the top of there lungs cleary leaning on the ladyboy to purge me of whatever money she possibly could, it would drive me crazy i bailed on staying at her home which they saw as a great injustice because why pay 750 baht a night for hotels when that money should be going in there respective pockets. It was seen as a huge fuck you because it was. Ive sworn off any kind of return to the farm. Thais are notorious shit talkers and double talkers, they have no problem talking shit to you right in front of your face in there language while smiling right at you. Being a new york kid who grew up with urban black kids ive noticed most thais are taken aback when you clown them right to there faces. During one particular meal she was with friends, one guy who happened to have worked in pattaya as a gay fuckboy, and is now quite bitter and jaded, was clearly amusing every body by saying god knows what about me, so i started cracking on him because his long term german boyfriend had left him for some younger meat. Growing up, in grade school we used to do hitler impressions to lots of our jewish friends, all in good fun, some of us got really good at it, i was one of them,(full disclosure i have an uncle that was in a severe car accident and walks with a cane and has some kind of mild brain damage and whenever i do the impression he laughs himself into a mild seizure, so you can say its a well honed skill at this point in my life) so for the hell of it i decided to fire one off, i was a little high at the time and definitely drunk but i nailed it, obviously no one knew i was alluding to hitler, only that i was mimicing his german exboyfriend admonishing him, as he had done on numerous occasions, even allegedly stabbing him with scissors at one point. This is a guy she considers her gay brother. I pretty much burnt every bridge with all of her friends and family, and have regrettably at times been a major league asshole, sometimes sex is closer to a violation than any kind of act of love, so im in awe that he still loves me and still swears that he will wait for me on the farm, meanwhile begging me to bring him to New York straight up stating that he would clean dishes and toilets in my house. I realize he is dependent on me but ive seen alot, particularly in Thai/falang relationships and many with far less have gotten far more from a boyfriend or sponsor than hes gotten from me, i think hes quite capable of hooking another sponsor, but its all a dice game, maybe all the bad things ive said about the p4p scene de-radicalized him so to speak. hes given me the better part of himself, it would be cruel to leave him now, but theres a feeling, at this very moment at least, that this has all passed me by.

[tadpole]

I didnt care that his family soured on me because i refused to support any of them or give any of them handouts. His father quit the monk act, which in my opinion is a kind of social welfare system in thailand. He had free room and board, got free food and monetary handouts, it also helped him dry out from alcohol, to some degree, and keep his nose clean so to speak. At first it was a reaction to me "making milk" for his son, i guess he thought if i could pay all that money then i could certainly support him. His threats, pleas, whatever fell on deaf ears. The guys been nothing but an anchor that almost sank my ladyboy. His grandma wanted some kind of financial reimbursement for wanting to marry the ladyboy which i never said id do. Basically saying you're going to marry him and youre going to pay me to do it. His greedy aunt wanted me to pay for things like tractor rentals and pay farm hands to work the rice fields, on her farm, in the same village but having absolutely no association with me except when she would come over to freeload on dinner. Needless to say id already been more than generous with the lot of them greasing all there palms and whatnot, paying for all my food and not asking any of them for anything. I basically stayed in our room and disassociated myself from everyone. theres this crazy thai notion that all falangs are on this financial pedestal and they must squeeze every last ounce of blood out of them. Its tragic. Her fuckup brother whom ive never met was having trouble paying off his new motorbike and implored his grandma to weasel some cash out of me which he did not get. He had a grandma 2 fat old aunts and a few female cousins. Some times we would sit down to eat and id be surrounded by these old thai ladys jabbering away at the top of there lungs cleary leaning on the ladyboy to purge me of whatever money she possibly could, it would drive me crazy i bailed on staying at her home which they saw as a great injustice because why pay 750 baht a night for hotels when that money should be going in there respective pockets. It was seen as a huge fuck you because it was. Ive sworn off any kind of return to the farm. Thais are notorious shit talkers and double talkers, they have no problem talking shit to you right in front of your face in there language while smiling right at you. Being a new york kid who grew up with urban black kids ive noticed most thais are taken aback when you clown them right to there faces. During one particular meal she was with friends, one guy who happened to have worked in pattaya as a gay fuckboy, and is now quite bitter and jaded, was clearly amusing every body by saying god knows what about me, so i started cracking on him because his long term german boyfriend had left him for some younger meat. Growing up, in grade school we used to do hitler impressions to lots of our jewish friends, all in good fun, some of us got really good at it, i was one of them,(full disclosure i have an uncle that was in a severe car accident and walks with a cane and has some kind of mild brain damage and whenever i do the impression he laughs himself into a mild seizure, so you can say its a well honed skill at this point in my life) so for the hell of it i decided to fire one off, i was a little high at the time and definitely drunk but i nailed it, obviously no one knew i was alluding to hitler, only that i was mimicing his german exboyfriend admonishing him, as he had done on numerous occasions, even allegedly stabbing him with scissors at one point. This is a guy she considers her gay brother. I pretty much burnt every bridge with all of her friends and family, and have regrettably at times been a major league asshole, sometimes sex is closer to a violation than any kind of act of love, so im in awe that he still loves me and still swears that he will wait for me on the farm, meanwhile begging me to bring him to New York straight up stating that he would clean dishes and toilets in my house. I realize he is dependent on me but ive seen alot, particularly in Thai/falang relationships and many with far less have gotten far more from a boyfriend or sponsor than hes gotten from me, i think hes quite capable of hooking another sponsor, but its all a dice game, maybe all the bad things ive said about the p4p scene de-radicalized him so to speak. hes given me the better part of himself, it would be cruel to leave him now, but theres a feeling, at this very moment at least, that this has all passed me by.

Wow, that was a long sentence. Amazing and interesting story telling though.

[rxpharm]

yung havok, you have captured the essence of what kind of pressure many lbs face from their poor families. There isn't really much in the way of social services from the Thai government for old people, no pension plan, limited health care via the 30 baht plan - but it is causing lower quality of care as better doctors are moving to private sector.

 

In reality the only support old Thai seniors get would be from the family. However, once the sons and daughters are married off and started their own families - seniors don't get much help from their children. Ladyboys are never going to have children, so there is tremendous pressure on them, as they have no other family obligations. Most lbs I know who come from poor families send significant support to them, but it rapidly escalates into more than nuclear family support as aunts, uncles, cousins, etc put out their hands, especially if a farang is involved.

 

You did the right thing to alienate them, as you cannot be the yung havok bank of America. Things seem to be rapidly drawing to a close in your relationship with your lb girlfriend, but I can see that you have improved her life, and I think your life too - although in ways not measured by material gain.

[Surin Nix]

Yungster, your story reminds me of a time once that I was sitting in a no-name bar on a hot afternoon in a no-name bar outside of Karon Beach I'd been riding my motorbike with no destination in mind and happens upon this place a roadside place with some Nordic-style shit nautical shit on the walls because the owner was Nordic or some shit anyway it was hot and I had a cold beer and flirted with the only available female in the place the bartender she was awesome anyway behind me was a group of about 6 people 2 Falange and 4 Thai women older they were drinking and laughing loudly suddenly one of the guys the owner came up to me and he was in fact some kind of Swede or Nordical or something carrying a plastic Thor hammer for effect and asked me if I would talk to his drunk American friend because he's been having a hard time and he recognized me as a countryman so I said yes I would be happy to Then the guy appears very drunk and tells me his story he said he'd made good money in his career in business and so bought a sizable piece of an island and built a home and married his Thai lady he have her a good lfe there eventually though after he retired he was unable to support her Thai family something he'd done for years When the support stopped he said that her formerly smiling family alienated him completely the people who'd been so sweet suddenly without monetary compensation turned their backs on him He was hurt Then his wife shocked him by announcing shed found. Scottish boyfriend much younger and that she was leaving him not sure how it all happened but she was still on their home on the island with Mr Scotland and the American was there in front of me literally and I do mean literally crying his eyes out because he felt he'd done his best to live up to their expectations as rich Falang supporting the extended family and buying her a house now she was gone they'd been married many years some young dude is fucking his wife in his own house his former in-laws hate him for turning off the money tap and had nothing now so there he was in a drunken stupor crying his eyes out in a no-name bar to a total stranger I'm not kidding when I say that he then was consumed with anguish and as he wept he fell to his knees sobbing uncontrollably it was sad and I thought I'd better take care because I fall in love easily and maybe just maybe this is my destiny if I continue on this quest to find a Thai,lady or ladyboy lover and partner I did have those dreams I took it as a cautionary tale Your story Yungster I believe is not at all a rare one but I appreciate your sharing it with us in your own run-on sentence way that because you are my stylistic guru I now seek to emulate n my own posts let's call it wordsmithing shall we thus no punctuation and man this has been fun but I digress anyway your posts captures the mood better than anything I could possible ever write so don't ever disappear for long Yungster and don't ever ever use spellcheck or learn the use of the comma or semi-colon because we all know that for you it's the full-colon only my man ha ha keep us posted

The run-on sentence, is thus complete.

But all joking aside Yungster, a great read. Best wishes keep us posted.

[Janus]

Well Surin i´ve heard and seen that story many times here, and I´m sure I´ll hear them again. Maybe  we think ohh my dream cane true, and then we hunt it and pay the dudes. I have lived here for 10 year, and think I know the game here. Yes I doe, but when it comes to love. I´m an Idiot like every body else. I am only a Man and addicted to Ladyboys  feel in love so easy in a sexy ladyboy. Ok that ok  I´m only a lonesome horny falang here, hunting for some love.

 

I like to think of me as a smart and wise man, but I know I can not say. It will never happen to me that the way  love works. It turns you in to a stupid idiot and fool. Best to hope for is you having a dam good time when it last.

 

Sorry about my  commas and spelling I am only a man, and I am in love. English is not my  1. or 2 langue. 

[strobriand]

It is such a common theme that runs through thai/farang relationships but fortunately I have never had this experience with money and thai families trying to bleed me while in Thailand. I made a conscious decision to have relations with educated employed non drinking  non yabba using GG.

 

Guess I  have just been lucky

[yung havok]

In the past when we've been separated there always felt like there was something binding us together, now it feels like we've earned this time apart from each other. I came back to New York for christmas but couldnt even stay for Christmas. Im in Florida till spring, this is as much home to me as Thailand. To raise my spirits i leased a dodge challenger. It was a distraction. The other day i hit a kid on a kawasaki. He was taken off in an ambulance. It was his fault. All the joy has gone out of my life. My ladyboy in thailand wants me to make him a visa to come to the states but my motivation to do that is at an all time low. Surin Nix mentioned getting police clearance for a visa the other day. Im overwhelmed by the whole process. Now i have to ask him about his past, has he ever been stopped on walking street trying to fuck for money, or the beach, what about ice has a cop ever stopped you for ice? when we said goodbye i promised him i would forget about his past, but it always comes back doesn't it? He used to tell me a story about his childhood friend, a girl who came to riches by smuggling yaba and ice from laos. They grew up together she promised to help him with his transition, every surgery he wanted, she said she could build him a home, take care of him, but she got busted, and my ladyboy was there when it happened. They lost everything the money the gold the motorbikes the cars, the future. With her parents out of the picture she had no choice but to listen to her friends advice and take the bus to pattaya, 18 months later we met on third road. November 7 2013. The 2nd ladyboy i fucked on my trip to pattaya. Shortime 500 baht plus 100 for the taxi. After i fucked his ass, he fell asleep in my arms and then went back on the streets.

[Surin Nix]

Say,

I'm a boy in Florida who rides a Kawasaki......

No shit.

Your post saddens me, my friend

Why has the joy gone from your life?

Is it because of your longing for your ladyboy and you miss her? Is it because of the daunting process of getting her a US visa? (If so, the "police report I mentioned was for a K1 fiancé visa, not a simple tourist visa). The tourist visa process is not nearly as complicated because the goal is "tourism", and not, as in my case, the intention of marrying wth subsequent green card application. Different ball game altogether, so I say that if you want to go for it, then at least apply and see how the chips fall. Maybe it won't be all that bad. There are entire forums dedicated to this subject, so worth a look there also, I think.

I admire your willingness to look beyond her past and try to just let it go. Who are we to judge?

Overall, your posts have painted a picture a beginning which was a common P4P encounter in Patts, to something that gave way to something that, shall I dare say became?......meaningful? Something which transcended the seedy origins and led to such fascinating things as going to visit her in her home village. I know how much that must have meant to her....the validation of coming home with not only a "boyfriend" (which I assume was inferred by the friends and fam), but a Falang at that. Serious elevation of Face.

Assisting with the boobs, being there, paying. Not insignificant.

So, despair all the gagging, puking, water sports, dirty sanchezing, fisting, scat play, and various and sundry freak-flag flying that you do....something happened to you.

Man, we all know about those LOS blues. Hopefully, yours is a case of that which the Florida sun will help alleviate (or the Florida rain will wash away, given the weather of late).

But, hang in there man. Keep us posted on your thoughts and how this unfolds. As always, a fascinating read, so thanks for writing.