303 replies to this topic

[thailover57]

Okay, my latest favorite!

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[batman4ever]

Dear alcohol...

Last night you promished me that i would be smartere,funny,and a brilliant dancer...

iwe just seen the video.....we need to talk

[hyflex]

ok a little late with curret events but still funny here goes

little johhny is sitting in class and the teacher says if you can name the people these quotes came from you can go home early so she says
"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give"
little johnny raises his hand but the teacher picks a little girl next to him winston churchill she says. she is allowed to go home early.

four score and seven years ago johhny raises his hand again teacher pics a little girl abe lincoln she says she is allowed to leave early.

this goes on with the teacher always picking little girls
so finnalyy johhny mutters i wish these bitches would shut thier mouths


the teacher turns and says WHO SAID THAT


little johhny says TIGER WOODS im going home

[badpress]

A man from Glasgow was in the dock of Belfast Crown Court this week, accused of having sex with a cat.
The judge instantly dismissed the case, quoting,
" I find it beyond the realms of belief that a Scotsman would put anything in a kitty"

[petesie]

Myself and SLBT have extremely long memories.

Retribution may be brutal. ;-)

[yung havok]

True story

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[thailover57]

A very old one (like me).

Mickey Mouse looking for a divorce from Minnie.

Judge says "I understand you want a divorce because she is crazy?"

Mickie says, "No, I want the divorce because she is fucking Goofy!"

[jayarr]

[filbert]

This is a silly one:

Q: How do you get fifty thousand pikachu on a bus?

A: Pokémon

[stonefre]

Man approaches to greet a new neighbor who is just moving into the house next door and asks what he does for a living.

Neighbor 1: I am a professor at the University, I teach deductive reasoning.

Man: Deductive reasoning? What is that?

Neighbor 1: Let me give you an example. I see you have a dog house out back. By that I deduce that you have a dog.

Man: That's right.

Neighbor 1: The fact that you have a dog, leads me to deduce that you have a family.

Man: Right again.

Neighbor 1: Since you have a family I deduce that you have a wife.

Man: Correct.

Neighbor 1: And since you have a wife, I can deduce that you are heterosexual.

Man: Yup.

Neighbor 1: That is deductive reasoning.

Man: Cool.

.....Later that same day...

Man: Hey I was talking to that new neighbor next door.

Neighbor 2: Is he a nice guy?

Man: Yes, and he has an interesting job.

Neighbor 2: Oh, yeah? What does he do?

Man: He is a professor of deductive reasoning at the University.

Neighbor 2: Deductive reasoning? What's that?

Man: Let me give you an example. Do you have a dog house?

Neighbor 2: No.

Man: Fag

[patrick]

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on
Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next
thing I know 4,000 Muslims have added me as a friend!

[patrick]

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated
but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come
back as a cow.

I said, "You're obviously not listening."