303 replies to this topic

[batman4ever]

EUROPEAN BAILOUT MECHANISM EXPLAINED IN SIMPLIFIED ECONOMIC TERMS:





It is a slow day in a little Greek Village . The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.





Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.





On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a 100 Euro note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.





The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the 100 Euro note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.





The butcher takes the 100 Euro note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.





The pig farmer takes the 100 Euro note and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier of feed and fuel.





The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the tavern.





The publican slips the money along to the local lady of the night drinking at the bar.





The local lady of the night then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the 100 Euro note.





The hotel proprietor then places the 100 Euro note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything.





At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the 100 Euro note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.





No one produced anything.





No one earned anything.





However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.





And that - I'm told - is how the bailout package works ..... Genius !

[redeye]

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The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded..
'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'

The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear..'

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. 'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers Why not?'

She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'

Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear"!

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?' She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.... Tidy yerself up a bit.'

[pacman]

Just got back from a holiday in Thailand,
and came that close to shagging a ladyboy.

Looked like a woman, spoke like a woman,
walked like a woman and kissed like a woman.

It was only when she was driving me back to her place
and reverse parked into a narrow parking space with no problem, I thought . . .

Hangggg on a minute . . .

[onetruesaxon]

Kids know far too much these days. Today in the doctors waiting room, a little girl had her Barbie and Ken dolls imitating the doggy
position. I told her, " If you keep doing that, you'll end up with lots of little baby dolls." She replied, "I don't think so dickhead he's doing her up the arse!"

[Legend]

guy booked into the penthouse, and left his suitcase under the aircon.
in the morning, his case was full of water.
"what is this" he asked the management.
"thats water from the aircon. they always drip, dont tell me you left in underneath.?"
guy says
"yeah, ok its my fault, im not a seasoned traveller"

[thailover57]

Geez, how many threads are going to be dedicated to this!?!?

[dixon cox]

An extract from Anne Frank's Diary.

Attached Files

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[petesie]

I quite enjoyed that one...a tad different but funny!

[yung havok]

What did the left pussy lip say to the other?





We used to be tight until we let some dick come between us.

[duke007]

Little Muslim boy crying in a Supermarket,

Assistant goes up to him and asks whats the matter
He says that he's lost his mum,

"Never mind we'll find her, what does she look like?" comforts the assistant

"Fuck knows" says the lad "but shes got brown eyes"

[duke007]

My girlfriends Sister knocked me out yesterday, I was so fuckin angry!

What sort of "sick bitch" puts chloroform on her dirty panties??

[patrick]

Just back from holiday in Thailand and l came so close to being intimate with a ladyboy. Looked like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady, kissed like a lady. It was when she drove me back to her place and reversed her car into a space first time l thought 'hang on...'