An Irish Family Tradition:
Paddy, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat ....and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.
'Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my father,his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said, "Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in August, ya dip shit.
Jokes thread
Started by
Guest_pandemonium_*
, Sep 12 2010 11:50 AM
303 replies to this topic
#181
petesie
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Posted 20 April 2011 - 11:02 PM
"My advice is just thank the god that doesnt exist for the rib he didnt take to create the women thats not a women that he didnt make for the naturaly uncut cock n enjoy it, they sure are fun." - Boomdraw
#182
petesie
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Posted 23 April 2011 - 05:49 AM
A Scot, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Belgium, a Lithuanian, an Italian, a South African, a Brazilian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Serb, a Bulgarian and a Swiss guy went to a night club..
The door man said "I can't let you in without a Thai........."
The door man said "I can't let you in without a Thai........."
"My advice is just thank the god that doesnt exist for the rib he didnt take to create the women thats not a women that he didnt make for the naturaly uncut cock n enjoy it, they sure are fun." - Boomdraw
#183
patrick
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Posted 23 April 2011 - 08:07 AM
A Scot, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Belgium, a Lithuanian, an Italian, a South African, a Brazilian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Serb, a Bulgarian and a Swiss guy went to a night club..
The door man said "I can't let you in without a Thai........."
You been at the Christmas crackers again Pete?
When I were a lad we had the one thing that money can't buy....poverty
#184
petesie
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Posted 14 May 2011 - 05:39 PM
Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.
One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicotine patch on it.
He looks at the other priest and says, 'I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not on your penis.'
The other one replies, 'It's working just fine..
I'm down to two butts a day.'
One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicotine patch on it.
He looks at the other priest and says, 'I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not on your penis.'
The other one replies, 'It's working just fine..
I'm down to two butts a day.'
"My advice is just thank the god that doesnt exist for the rib he didnt take to create the women thats not a women that he didnt make for the naturaly uncut cock n enjoy it, they sure are fun." - Boomdraw
#185
petesie
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Posted 22 May 2011 - 04:24 PM
A lady walked into a Police Station and the desk sergeant said "Can I
help you?"
"Yes" she said, "I'd like to report a case of sexual assault in the park just down the road" she replied.
"Can you describe what happened?"
"Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when
a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there, removed my underwear, then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me".
"Could you give me a description of him?"
"Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt
and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his
knees, one on each leg".
"Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said
the sergeant.
"Yes", said the lady, "He was an Aussie Cricketer".
"That's very observant", said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from
his accent?"
"No", she replied. "I worked it out because he wasn't in for very long".
help you?"
"Yes" she said, "I'd like to report a case of sexual assault in the park just down the road" she replied.
"Can you describe what happened?"
"Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when
a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there, removed my underwear, then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me".
"Could you give me a description of him?"
"Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt
and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his
knees, one on each leg".
"Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said
the sergeant.
"Yes", said the lady, "He was an Aussie Cricketer".
"That's very observant", said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from
his accent?"
"No", she replied. "I worked it out because he wasn't in for very long".
"My advice is just thank the god that doesnt exist for the rib he didnt take to create the women thats not a women that he didnt make for the naturaly uncut cock n enjoy it, they sure are fun." - Boomdraw
#186
thailover57
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Posted 01 June 2011 - 09:15 PM
Not a joke - I have a TV in my apartment that is a little hinky. The sounds comes on immediately but the picture takes a minute to come on. So about 20 minutes ago I turned it on and I hear the sounds of two women in the throes of orgasms. Hey, I'm thinking, this might be okay. The picture comes on and it turns out to be a tennis match between Maria Sharapova and someone. They're both grunting up a storm!
Couldn't take much of it. Now if they were naked...
Couldn't take much of it. Now if they were naked...
#187
thailover57
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Posted 03 June 2011 - 06:18 PM
My two LB neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I don't think they understood. They bought me a Rolex knock-off. I said, "I wanna watch!"
#188
petesie
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Posted 06 June 2011 - 09:28 PM
"My advice is just thank the god that doesnt exist for the rib he didnt take to create the women thats not a women that he didnt make for the naturaly uncut cock n enjoy it, they sure are fun." - Boomdraw
#189
thailover57
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Posted 06 June 2011 - 09:45 PM
Awesome Petesie! And you're right. I was trying to go all over the place with my thoughts and never came close to that.
#190
thailover57
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Posted 06 June 2011 - 09:52 PM
Did a search so I hope I'm not stealing someone's joke.
LB visits America and goes to the bank to exchange money. They offer her 29 to 1 for her Baht. She goes home and the next week she returns to the bank for more money to exchange. They offer her a lower rate. She says, "I was given 29 to 1 last week. Why you change?"
The teller tells her, "Fluctuations."
She says, "What you mean?"
He says, "Fluctuations."
She replies, "Fluck you Americans and leaves!"
LB visits America and goes to the bank to exchange money. They offer her 29 to 1 for her Baht. She goes home and the next week she returns to the bank for more money to exchange. They offer her a lower rate. She says, "I was given 29 to 1 last week. Why you change?"
The teller tells her, "Fluctuations."
She says, "What you mean?"
He says, "Fluctuations."
She replies, "Fluck you Americans and leaves!"
#191
thailover57
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Posted 06 June 2011 - 09:45 PM
Awesome Petesie! And you're right. I was trying to go all over the place with my thoughts and never came close to that.
#192
thailover57
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Posted 06 June 2011 - 09:52 PM
Did a search so I hope I'm not stealing someone's joke.
LB visits America and goes to the bank to exchange money. They offer her 29 to 1 for her Baht. She goes home and the next week she returns to the bank for more money to exchange. They offer her a lower rate. She says, "I was given 29 to 1 last week. Why you change?"
The teller tells her, "Fluctuations."
She says, "What you mean?"
He says, "Fluctuations."
She replies, "Fluck you Americans and leaves!"
LB visits America and goes to the bank to exchange money. They offer her 29 to 1 for her Baht. She goes home and the next week she returns to the bank for more money to exchange. They offer her a lower rate. She says, "I was given 29 to 1 last week. Why you change?"
The teller tells her, "Fluctuations."
She says, "What you mean?"
He says, "Fluctuations."
She replies, "Fluck you Americans and leaves!"
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