303 replies to this topic

[onetruesaxon]

I wouldn't worry too much about the News Of The World journalists losing their jobs.

I read somewhere the unemployed get 5 bedroom houses and £50 000 a year in benefits

I do not get anything like that. In fact it's 67.50 per week out of that I have to find 23.00 for rent. So I consider that not F*****G funny

[petesie]

Olympics

It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London.
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.
The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate. "McTavish, Scotland" he says, "Discus" and in he walks.
The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
"Waddington-Smythe, England" he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.
The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm. "O'Malley, Ireland" he says, "Fencing."

[Whiplash]

Man and his wife are out shopping together, Wife sees some shoes she wants but her husband says 'NO WAY' they're way too expensive.


'Later that nite in bed he lays a hand on his wifes pussy, She says, 'I don't fucking think so mate! If you can't afford to shoe the horse, then u ain't fucking riding it !!!'

[petesie]

What about this one then....

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a
fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden eg you will be just right as a Pirate. The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.. A week passes and he
receives another parcel and note:

Dear Sir,
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part. The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong
letter of complaint.. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.

[batman4ever]

A scottish grandmother is at the beach with her grandson as suddenly a big big wave is grabbing the kid and takes him far far out the sea...
the grandmother in despair prays to god and say please help my grandson and i will do anything...

seconds later an even bigger wave lands on the beach bringing in the little boy tottaly unharmed... the grandmother cry of hapiness for a while...then she start screaming at the sky....

where the fuck`s his sunglasses...