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[yung havok]

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[petesie]

A TRUE STORY

The Australian Government and the NSW Forestry Service were presenting an alternative to NSW sheep farmers for controlling the dingo population.

It seems that after years of the sheep farmers using the 'tried and true' methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the Labour Government (Peter Garrett - Environmental Minister), the NSW Forestry Service and the Greens tree-huggers had a more humane solution.

What they actually proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males would then be castrated and let loose again. Therefore the population would be controlled.

This was ACTUALLY proposed to the NSW Sheep farmers Association and Farming Association by the Federal Government and the NSW Forestry Service.

All of the sheep farmers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes. Finally, one of the old boys in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, "Mr Garrett, son, I don't think you understand our problem".

"These dingos ain’t f**king our sheep - they're eating them."

[manfredmann]

I recently saw a buddy of mine, and he looked like shit.

I asked him what happened and he told me he had recently been to the state fair with his wife and had gone to see the breeding bulls stables. Once inside, the first pen they saw had a fairly large bull and a sign that read, "This bull bred 50 times last year".

His wife, being rather impressed, elbowed him in the ribs and said, "You see Dick, this bull knows something that you could ask him about." Muttering under his breath, he moved his wife along to the next pen.

In the next pen was another large bull, but there was a sign on the second pen that read, "This bull bred 150 times last year." Elbowing him even harder in the ribs, my friend's wife said, Dick, look, this bull had sex more than twice a week all year, you could certainly learn something from him!"

My buddy, being a temperate individual, suggested that they move on to the next bull. However, upon reaching the third pen, they saw an even larger bull and a sign that read, "This bull bred 365 times last year."

Agast, his wife nearly broke his ribs with her elbow, and said, "My God Dick, this bull has sex every day! Surely you could ask him his secret and learn something!" At which point, my friend turned to his wife and said, "I'd be happy to luv, but first, would you mind asking the bull if it was the same cow?"

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[thailover57]

The boss calls in his right hand man and tells him they're branching out to Thailand. Right hand man says, "Huh, there's only hookers and Muay Thai fighters in Thailand."

Boss says, "My wife is from Thailand!"

Right hand man says, "Oh, which club does she fight for?"

[petesie]

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes" the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"

"Feels great", he replied, "but I still think my thumb's broken"

[petesie]

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.
Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy.He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics
and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his
birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations
for?' One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ....What about your son?'

The fourth man who'd married a Thai girl replied: 'My son is a Ladyboy and makes a living in Pattaya.

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion,a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.............

[petesie]

After a visit to the whore house, a man notices green lumps on his penis, so he goes to the doctor's.

“That’s serious” says the doctor. “You know how wrestlers get cauliflower ears?” “Yes” says the man seriously.

“Well” says the doctor “You’ve got brothel sprouts.”

[pacman]

"We laugh because it is true"

Apologies to BumbleBee...

EDIT: I refer to the ladyboy joke.

[donnykey]

"Brothel Sprouts" . Now that is funny.


Cheers DK

[Crackerjax]

Couple of rib ticklers there Petesie.

[petesie]

One afternoon a Scotsman was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the Scotsman said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the Scotsman replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the Scotsman answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the Scotsman and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The Scotsman replied, "Glad to do it.

"You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high."

[duke007]

For types

A Barnsley bloke wakes up one morning with a sore arse

So he goes to the shop and asks

"As thee any arse cream?"

"Aye" said the shopkeeper "does tha want a Magnum or a Cornetto"