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Jokes thread
Started by
Guest_pandemonium_*
, Sep 12 2010 11:50 AM
303 replies to this topic
#134
Guest_pandemonium_*
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Posted 30 December 2010 - 06:19 AM
Austria have got pretty bad publicity, their three most famous people are Hitler, Joseph Fritzl and Terminator.
#135
batman4ever
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Posted 12 January 2011 - 08:55 AM
An Islamist was seated next to an Australian and a Brit on a flight from London to Bangkok,
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.
The Aussie and Brit asked for a rum and Coke each, which was brought and placed before them.
The flight attendant then asked the Islamist if he would like a drink.
The Islamist replied in disgust,
'I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen ladyboy whores than let liquor touch my lips.'
The Aussie and the Brit then handed their drinks back to the attendant and said,
'Hey lady, us too. We didn't know there was a choice.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.
The Aussie and Brit asked for a rum and Coke each, which was brought and placed before them.
The flight attendant then asked the Islamist if he would like a drink.
The Islamist replied in disgust,
'I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen ladyboy whores than let liquor touch my lips.'
The Aussie and the Brit then handed their drinks back to the attendant and said,
'Hey lady, us too. We didn't know there was a choice.
A ladyboy is a kind of creature...that makes a txt saying...dont you trust me...and send it to 20 people... 
Good one!
#137
Houndofthebaskervilles
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Posted 12 January 2011 - 02:04 PM
Bloke goes into a knocking shop says to the bird ,how much for humiliation? She replies $60. He says thats cheap, what do I get for that? She replies a baggy green cap and an Austrailian cricket sweater.
Boom Boom
Boom Boom
The Beast is watching with a hungry eye and slavering jaws
#138
onetruesaxon
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Posted 13 January 2011 - 02:30 AM
Ref Howard Webb s kids have been in the press today deyning their dad is a man utd fan. They said our dad is a football fan and as never had any allegiance to any club. It's hurtful to suggest otherwise, said his children George, Bobby, Alex, Eric and Cristiano.
#139
onetruesaxon
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Posted 13 January 2011 - 02:33 AM
The EU has decided it is no longer acceptable to call people illegal immigrants... They should now be addressed as travellers without authority to stay.
Or T.W.A.T.S for short
Or T.W.A.T.S for short
#140
Guest_pandemonium_*
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Posted 16 January 2011 - 08:08 AM
I asked this Australian bloke how far away I was from Queensland.
He replied, "It's twenty clicks away, mate."
Things must be bad if they've started speaking dolphin.
He replied, "It's twenty clicks away, mate."
Things must be bad if they've started speaking dolphin.
#141
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Posted 16 January 2011 - 08:10 AM
Normally the Australian bloke at work is the loudest person in the office but he came in looking like a broken man today.
Not wishing to miss an opportunity, I mercilessly took the piss until he was reduced to tears.
I told him that he should stop being such a pussy and man the fuck up. After all, I'd expect him to do the same to me if it was my mum who had drowned in the floods.
Not wishing to miss an opportunity, I mercilessly took the piss until he was reduced to tears.
I told him that he should stop being such a pussy and man the fuck up. After all, I'd expect him to do the same to me if it was my mum who had drowned in the floods.
#142
Guest_pandemonium_*
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Posted 16 January 2011 - 08:10 AM
Australian police have banned me from helping them with their search for bodies following the floods in Queensland.
All I asked was "is it finders keepers?"
All I asked was "is it finders keepers?"
#143
Guest_pandemonium_*
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Posted 16 January 2011 - 08:12 AM
With the 2012 olympics not far away, the really depressing thing about these Australian floods is that they're going to be even better swimmers now.
#144
Guest_pandemonium_*
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Posted 16 January 2011 - 08:13 AM
As an Australian, when I read some of the jokes about the floods today, I hit the roof! So i swam up to the second floor.
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