59 replies to this topic

[petesie]

HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

God went to the Arabs and said,
'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'

The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'
And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'

'Can you give us an example?'

'Thou shall not kill.'

'Not kill? We're not interested.'

So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
'Honor thy Father and Mother.'

'Father? We don't know who our fathers are.
We're not interested.'

Then He went to the Mexicans and said,
'I have Commandments.'

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not
steal.'

'Not steal? We're not interested.'

Then He went to the French and said,
'I have Commandments.'

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not commit
adultery.'

'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'

Finally, He went to the Jews and said,
'I have Commandments ...'

'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'

'They're free.'

'We'll take 10.'


There. That should piss off just about everybody...fire away

[Woof1]

Well, For one, I like it
Forgot the Indians though

[batman4ever]

Petesie you old buggar...you owe me a new keyboard...i just spit my coffea out on this one...

[petesie]

It was only a matter of time...

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[LB3048]

Why wasn't Jesus born in Millwall? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

It's a little known fact that the humble tooth brush was invented by a Millwall supporter. If it were designed by anyone else it would have been called a teeth brush.

[Woof1]

That's it for me,
Those guys are CUT Off, No more Kimchi for me
Semaseo

[kendal1972]

i'm surprised no Maggie thatcher jokes turned up
such as...
She's only been in hell 3 hours and she's already closed 3 furnaces.
and
There will be a 21 gun salute for her funeral, they'll be aiming through the coffin just to make sure.
and
Maggie thatcher and jimmy saville shared the same likes...they both liked screwing minors.

[kendal1972]

this is no cleaner tbh
David Cameron has today defended plans to have trainee nurses start off as health care assistants before they start nursing. That's fine. As long as trainee politicians start off as sewer workers before they start talking shit.

[petesie]

Nicorette

Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.

One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicorette patch on it.

He looks at the other priest and says, 'I believe you're supposed
To put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis.'

The other one replies, 'It's working just fine.
I'm down to two butts a day.'

***IF YOU LAUGH....YOU'LL GO STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!!

[kendal1972]

Nicorette

Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.

One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicorette patch on it.

He looks at the other priest and says, 'I believe you're supposed
To put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis.'

The other one replies, 'It's working just fine.
I'm down to two butts a day.'

***IF YOU LAUGH....YOU'LL GO STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!!

[kendal1972]

I just explained Google images to my mum.

'Pick anything to search for', I said. She replied 'What about a nice cream pie?'.

'Except that.' I said.

[petesie]

I saw a truck with a bumper sticker saying : " I am a vet, therefore I drive like an animal".

Suddenly I realized how many gynaecologists there are on the roads.