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My first [sober] ladyboy experience. Feedback required.

disgusted by cock ?

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#1 jay_c_154

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Posted 30 September 2014 - 06:40 PM

So i started dating a ladyboy quite recently and i was very attracted to her. As soon as we did the deed however i was disgusted with myself and didn't want to touch her again. Until i got horny again and had sex again. Then we went to sleep and i woke up swearing to myself that i wouldn't touch her again. But i got another erection and did the deed again.

I don't want to sound insulting to the ladyboy, she's a lovely girl and very attractive but i found myself disgusted with the idea that she had a cock. This is after the fact that i had it in my mouth during our first encounter of the evening.

I don't know what the problem is. Has anyone else here experienced this before ? Is it normal ? Does it go away with time ?

I really felt bad about it and still do. I was quite turned on with her but the experience as a whole was just as satifsying as the experience i could have had with a similarly attractive woman.

I really would love to here about other peoples experiences.....



#2 JackG

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Posted 30 September 2014 - 06:52 PM

You will get over it. It may take a while, maybe months or even years, but you will get over it and accept your attraction.


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#3 Spyder Rocket

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Posted 30 September 2014 - 07:33 PM

I never felt the amount of conflict that you describe, but I do understand what you are talking about.

In my opinion, there isn't really a normal when it comes to having sex. There is what people normally admit to doing in the bedroom, and that is part of what drives societal expectations. Religion is another big driver of what society expects of us in our sexual roles.

It sounds like you are pushing against the boundaries of what you've been programmed to think about sex.

When I was in my 20s, I had entirely different views about sexuality than I do now. It is very common to have your views change as you have different experiences over the course of a decade.

You are probably going to get several different points of view from the people in this forum, some of those opinions might be laced with a bit of humor or sarcasm, but on some level, we've all been there.

Be a little nicer to yourself, dude. You sucked a cock, it isn't the end of the world, and you are still the same person as before.

The only difference is, when judgement day rolls around you will be brought before the throne of god, and they will show a celestial film clip of you sucking that ladyboy's cock on a giant HD movie screen. After that, God and all the Angels will laugh at you, then you'll be tossed into a lake of enternal fire.
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#4 Spyder Rocket

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Posted 30 September 2014 - 07:39 PM

Don't know why the end of my post got chopped off, maybe god did it?

But I was going to close by saying that if you decide you want to continue dating ladyboys, then you'll have to make some harder decisions.

Hope you aren't taking your mixed emotions out on the ladyboy, it isn't her fault.
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#5 Surin Nix

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Posted 01 October 2014 - 05:20 AM

I think I know how you feel.

After my first LB experience, at age 49, i felt my world caving in a little. Wasn't i the straight, formerly (long-time) married, father of great kids...and owner of a fine home in the bible-belt suburbs?

I woke up with a ladyboy, once upon a time in 2009, and in the darkness of my Phuket hotel room, all i could think was "oh man, i sucked a cock. I guess i know what THAT means".

Fast forward to now. I realize it didn't mean jack-shit. It didn't define me, though i suppose others might think it does. I never lost my interest for straight sex with women, but acknowledge that vanilla is not the only flavor in the store, and i like the Thai banana-pop flavor from time to time. I realized, looking inward, that i really was ok with sex with ladyboys. I liked it. My big fear was being found-out. That, in turn, caused me to seriously consider what it meant to be a man of my age, cringing in fear of what people might think.

I don't advertise it or wave my freak-flag back home, but inwardly, i have learned it's ok. It's not all black and white, rarely is. I give myself permission to occupy a shade of gray where whether it's a clit or a (ladyboy) cock, i am good with it.

So, just relax. Everything is going to be ok.
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#6 veveron

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Posted 01 October 2014 - 02:01 PM

I don't mind the gay angle in the slightest. I think it's great being gay.

That said I can relate to what you write about being disgusted by their cock.

Well, for me, I'd say annoyed.  Don't know if it's something a person gets over.

 

No matter how passive they are; I eventually have to smack their ass and remind them, "girls don't fuck, they get fucked." (Although I'm sure anyone on here who's been through divorce court will tell me otherwise.)

I avoid post-ops though, only been with two, and neither time did I know it before hand, I find myself still gagging a bit to the ideal of that, plus one gave me the, "I lady, lady not have sex like that" bs... Didn't work. 

 

The annoyance carries over with longer stays, such as, because they are boys really, I have a much lower tolerance for the; "I want," "need new," "mama and buffalo sick," bs then with a gg.


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#7 jay_c_154

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Posted 01 October 2014 - 06:17 PM

Thank you for your thoughtful (and hilarious) replys. Yes, when i first started to fantasise about ladyboys and jack off to them i would feel guilty and then jack off to a woman to get my "man fix". The thing is i thought i was over that. I've been openly discussing my sexuality with a psychotherapist for over a year now and am totally at peace with it. At least i thought i was.

One of my issues is that i have been in a relationship with a woman for the last 3 years. I love her and she's a wonderful person. The thing is all i crave is ladyboys. When we're screwing in my mind its  a ladyboy that i'm screwing. So i continued on like this for ages until i finally decided to pursue a relationship with a ladyboy on the quiet and see how it went.

It was supposed to be my "big reveal" so to speak. Where i would finally have clarity and know which way i went. I fantasised about sucking ladyboy pipe and when i finally did it.... it was just ok. Not sensational or anything, it was absolutely fine. 

After i came i was physically repulsed by it. I didn't take this out on my ladyboy partner at all. I'm quite aware of other peoples feelings and wouldn't do anything to hurt hers. Apart from the fact that i am in fact lying about being single....

So instead of any revelation about my sexuality as a result of my encounter i am in fact right back where i started. My partner and i are due to start a family this year and part of me doesn't want that.

I definitely couldn't move to pattaya and am happy here in WA. No offence to anyone who lives there, i just find the constant drinking and all the russians would get on my nerves big time.

So yeh - i guess i'm sharing this in the hope some of you guys may be able to offer some similar experiences. And feel free to make a joke or two. I enjoy a good laugh :-)


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#8 Surin Nix

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Posted 01 October 2014 - 07:39 PM

You might be surprised by the number of guys here who've been in your shoes. That is, either in a full time relationship (as I am, with a latin female...and she knows about my LB experiences. I never would have belived that I could find such a lady). Or, they have spent their lives, until ladyboys, with females only...or almost-only.

I have met currently married men, divorced men, men with girlfriends, unattached lifelong commitment-phobes, and an occasional quasi-gay (if that is a term). Almost without exception, they were/are masculine men who appeared very "normal" outwardly. Probably much like your good self. I feel really out of place in a gay bar. In fact, the last gay bar i was in, in San Francisco, was with my girlfriend. We were there to see a drag show. I remember thinking after, "no dudes in there, nor the twink-boy dancing in his underwear on stage (nor the garish "trannies") did anything for me".

But put me in a bar full of Thai ladyboys, in the company of good-natured fellow LB admirers, guys who "get it", and that is a great experience. I feel comfortable in that environment. One of life's great pleasures. Probably made more so because for me it is a fleeting pleasure. Like you, i cannot live in Patts full time...the din, traffic, the somewhat blasé beach. Not for me either. Though, i could live on Phuket, and someday i just might.

You mentioned your psychotherapy. Sincere continued best wishes with that. As an adjunct to that, i hope you find the understanding you will receive on this forum also helpful. As i heard sometime ago:

"A problem shared is a problem halved".

Everybody here experiences the ladyboy world in their own way. From the full-timer living in Patts in a full-on relationhip with an LB, to the deeply closeted married man on a down-low "business trip" to Thailand. ...and everything in between. Being here, learning from, and making friends with others who share our interest, has gone a long way in helping me come to terms and accept much better my own quirky (i guess) somewhere-in-the-gray-zone sexuality.

You said you felt "revolted" after suckin an LB cock. Just curious, but was this in Thailand, or perhaps a TS girl in your home state? Also, you mentioned jerking off to LB porn, then making up the deficit with a wank to conventional straight porn. I did a variation of that in Thailand in my early days of sex with ladyboys. Have a go with an LB, then have a go with a gg to balance out the scales. Eventually, the Thai gg's began to grate on my nerves. The younger they were, the more annoying. LB's, i found, were actually better company both in and out of bed. Maybe it was the out of bed part, spending time and getting to know them better, is what humanized them for me, and allowed me to experience their cocks as a natural "extension" (<---see what i did there) of their unique selves.

Whatever it was, sucking their cocks lost the shame and revulsion factor. Just took some time.

Say, i rode my motorcycle through your state last year. Lovely place.
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#9 Spyder Rocket

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Posted 02 October 2014 - 03:58 AM

Thank you for your thoughtful (and hilarious) replys. Yes, when i first started to fantasise about ladyboys and jack off to them i would feel guilty and then jack off to a woman to get my "man fix". The thing is i thought i was over that. I've been openly discussing my sexuality with a psychotherapist for over a year now and am totally at peace with it. At least i thought i was.
One of my issues is that i have been in a relationship with a woman for the last 3 years. I love her and she's a wonderful person. The thing is all i crave is ladyboys. When we're screwing in my mind its a ladyboy that i'm screwing. So i continued on like this for ages until i finally decided to pursue a relationship with a ladyboy on the quiet and see how it went.
It was supposed to be my "big reveal" so to speak. Where i would finally have clarity and know which way i went.

Hmmm, I'm not too sure what having sex with a ladyboy would reveal. Especially if is a ladyboy who happens to posses a great deal of feminine beauty.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of the militant adherents to the "third sex theory." There are guys on this forum who get pissed off at the mere suggestion that they might be gay, or bisexual because they like ladyboys. Hey, they are entitled to their opinion, and ultimately one's own opinion is all that matters in terms of self image.

I happen to classify sex with a ladyboy as a homosexual encounter, albeit a fringe variation of a homosexual encounter.

I consider myself a bisexual because of my dalliances with ladyboys; others have different opinions on this, but I'd like to again point out that one's personal opinion is all that matters when it comes to self image and self esteem. (NOTE: I'm trying to avoid an angry response from a third sexer with all this blather :) )

I think if we drew a series of Venn Diagrams that depicted sexuality, ladyboy lovers, and there are many different types of ladyboy lovers, would invariably find themselves in overlap areas.

If I were you, I'd be more concerned with the part of your brain that is conjuring up images of ladyboys while you are banging your fiancé.

Maybe it isn't a sexuality thing at all? Maybe it is ladyboys representing something exotic, something other that what you have?

Maybe it is the part of you that doesn't want to get married?


So instead of any revelation about my sexuality as a result of my encounter i am in fact right back where i started. My partner and i are due to start a family this year and part of me doesn't want that.

Make sure you give "that part of you" a fair listen. Don't suppress his voice or stifle his wisdom and advice.

Because, if you press on with the marriage without giving him an honest chance to be heard, I predict he will be an incredible pain-in-the-ass once you are married.

Just imagine how smug and condescending he will be every time you have a bad day of married life. I can hear him right now saying shit like, "I told you so! You had to go and do it, didn't you?"

Then he will get bitter at some point, and start using the victim card to talk you into fucking around on your wife. Better that you give him a chance to be fully heard, and let him address all of his concerns now, or he is going to be one rotten bastard to deal with later.

Personally, I think he is the one sending all those ladyboy images to you during sex with your fiancé. ;)


So yeh - i guess i'm sharing this in the hope some of you guys may be able to offer some similar experiences.

Not exactly similar, but I'll share my entrance into the ladyboy world.

First, I'm a sex addict, I know that, and it is primarily what makes me a poor candidate for marriage, or long-term relationships. I started banging every girl I could in high school, and have only recently begun to slow down.

When I was 35, I was living in Japan and fucking my brains out, but never even thought about ladyboys/newhalfs until I met a Phillipino newhalf that owned a little karaoke bar. I eventually hung around one night after closing time, and we fucked each other every way possible.

I wanted to keep it a secret from all the regulars at the bar (it wasn't kept secret), but I didn't experience any disgust with myself like you described.

Not much became of it at first, and a few months later, I happened to meet a Thai girl (GG) who was in Japan taking some training courses for her company.

She swept me off my feet, and despite my knowledge that I was a poor choice for a husband or steady boyfriend, I played the part for almost two years. Kind of easy since she had to return to Thailand after the first few months.

I went to visit her in Thailand, and she couldn't take off much time from work, so I had plenty of time to play with a few ladyboys while she was at work.

After I went back to Japan, I was back at that karaoke bar fucking around with the Philipino newhalf, who would pimp me out to her newhalf friends.

Once I was deep into the scene, a few years later, I did manage to get myself into a few situations where I felt uncomfortable. This was with cross dressers that I'd pick up, who would look so damn hot at the bar, but once you got them back to the love hotel, and undressed them, well, definitely femboys to put it lightly.

Still I was undaunted, I'm fine with fucking femboys. The only time I really grappled with it was with a cross dresser who I liked enough to see on a regular basis for a while. He only dressed female on the weekends, as a dude, he looked like a J-pop singer, girlish, but definitely a dude.

I felt a little uncomfortable going out during the week with him, but did anyway; besides, he knew tons of newhalfs.

Anyway, that's why I don't have trouble calling myself bisexual. In my case, I think it is somewhat accurate.

A reason why I think I find ladyboys/newhalfs appealing, is because it is primarily a sexual fling. I've had friendships develop a few times, but I've never felt the urge to commit, never been jealous if they fucked someone else, only had one get jealous of me fucking another person.

I still like GGs, but I always feel obligated to lie to them to get in their pants. Pretend like I am husband material, I don't like doing that, but I do it.

Probably more of a story than you asked for, but there it is. Maybe you can extract something from all of that, and it will help you find clarity.

Cheers!
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#10 Surin Nix

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Posted 02 October 2014 - 07:00 AM

Are you calling me a homo Spyder Rocket?
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#11 veveron

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Posted 02 October 2014 - 07:03 AM


It was supposed to be my "big reveal" so to speak. Where i would finally have clarity and know which way i went. I fantasised about sucking ladyboy pipe and when i finally did it.... it was just ok. Not sensational or anything, it was absolutely fine.

I understand what you're saying there. You may just be looking for new experiences and this has nothing to do with your sexual orientation (not that I believe in narrow boxes about that kind of thing).  Maybe just take it slow and see where it goes. What's the rush? Tell your gf you're not ready to start a family; if you're really not.

 

But at the same time it's not wise to listen to me, very little life experience.  Just to show how varied backgrounds can be, mine's about the polar opposite to Spyders.  Amoral hermit till my 30s, then decided to do something about it in the kinkiest way I could think of, decided fucking a ladyboy would fit that bill, so I flew to LOS, soi 6/1, and went with the first one who approached me walking up from beach road. got as far as High Boss. And your words .... it was just ok. Not sensational or anything, describe my feelings at the time pretty well.


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#12 Spyder Rocket

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Posted 02 October 2014 - 09:28 AM

Are you calling me a homo Spyder Rocket?


No, only you can call yourself that.

Well, you and perhaps a couple of drunk Danes that yell it at you on Walking Street, and of course, jonnieb.

But not me, I'm not calling you that.




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