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[transsongwriter]

I recently met an American guy and spent two weeks with him. We went to Baguio for three days and head to a week Palawan trip. I describe him as such a kind, chill and, I must say, the nicest guy I've ever met... He is very down to earth.

We are also very compatible. We would make each other laugh effortlessly, make each other feel comfortable to open up all the stories and things we would like to share. We would often have deep talks. We would share our family and cultural values and share our respective knowledge we are good at to each other. We are both silly at times too. We share goals. One of them is to settle down together.

He is a soon Sommelier and I am a professional songwriter here in my country, the Philippines. Since I am quite good in English. We never have dull moments together.

That two weeks felt everything. We had forgotten how bitter reality could be. We were always in the moment of happiness. He made me feel so happy. So loved. And for those things, I've love him back.

But the time he went back to the states made me feel neglected emotionally. He helped me a lot even when he has things he should focus on like moving to CA from OK, looking for a new employment and reviewing for his upcoming Sommelier Examination in December this year.

I do ask for his whole day. Maybe two minutes or three will make me feel I'm being heard. Because my situation is not getting any better too as I do not have a day job yet.

He has become busy and absent for me. I feel that oceans and time got us defeated. That long distance seem to not work for the both of us.

I broke up once before but he said he was doing all of those things that make him busy for us to be together. In my head, how could someone ignore the other while aiming to do that? No matter how busy I would get, I will always make sure I have time for him. I'm assertive like that.

Yesterday, he finally spoke his mind when I was being too depressed. As I feel that there is a miscommunication in both our part as he is busier.

The words that hurt me the most was "your anxiety is not my anxiety". I felt alone in life again the moment I heard that. There were more that was said to me like "I care about the future and you don't give a sh*+". Things that I thought impossible for him to say.

And of course, I reacted negatively and said that it's not going to work and ended it for the second time. Seems like it's really never working.

We didn't talk the entire day today. I said sorry for what I said and I truly do not expect him to forgive me. Perhaps I want peace. I need peace of mind. I reminded me of those happy moments we had together. I said to myself that this is only happening because we are apart.

But I also think that with him, we are done. It seems like we are done. It breaks my heart to think it.

I do not have anyone to talk this about. I just want to share my thoughts to strangers.

[Escierto]

A long distance relationship is one of those things that many people try but it’s very difficult. I would not beat yourself up about it but I understand your pain. Especially when you had something special.

How long has it been since you saw him in person? Why can’t he visit you again?

[transsongwriter]

A long distance relationship is one of those things that many people try but it’s very difficult. I would not beat yourself up about it but I understand your pain. Especially when you had something special.

How long has it been since you saw him in person? Why can’t he visit you again?

3 weeks ago. He was supposed to fly back in March. It is really difficult. It's made us separated.