9 replies to this topic

[hankhavelock]

I cannot help thinking back on the last decade which basically defined my rise and self-decided fall as “Mr. ladyboy”... As written in another post, I now focus on my lovely Jakarta-based FemBoyfriend in a homosexual relationship. I adore him, and I love him. All fine.

 

However, there are still things to be said – thoughts to be figured out. At least for me.

 

I have hurt ladyboys – I have deceived them – they are very easy targets, and I did wrongly. I was a VANE guy – due to my looks and empathy I could more or less seduce anyone within the Asian trans-reality. And I did – big time. This I have also written about in another thread, so no more of that.

 

But Liza will always be so deep in me. She moved from Bkk to her village some time ago and we still have sort of contact – Liza is an awesome person – I visited her several times in Bkk, and she visited me here in Jakarta also. Liza was 100% NICE and SWEET and LOYAL as a ROCK. I remember the first and only time when she brought me to King’s Castle 3 in Patpong: “You have never been to a ladyboy-bar, you need to see it, darling... this is where I began...” she explained, and what an evening we had :-)

 

And I still sit here and wonder WHY I didn’t just stay with Liza. We matched perfectly – except maybe that living 3.000 kilometers apart is still an obstacle – or maybe I was still just “doing my Danish thing” and neglected the treasure I had in my hands... that’s probably 60% of the answer...

 

I have hurt people – not deliberately at all – but due to my materialistic approach to sexual vanity. I wanted them to ADORE me, to WANT me – no matter the cost – and they did. Now I’m paying the moral price – which I had coming.

 

I am NOT proud of all I have done – far from.

So to all you handsome youngsters wannabe ladyboy-lovers who want free-bees and adoration... DO NOT! PLEASE! Because the victim will NOT be you – it will be the trans-woman that you seduce.

 

If you are SERIOUS about her (or your femboy or whatever you cater to) then go for it, but not just for fun. Well, it took me a decade to get to this realization. Hopefully, it will be useful to others.

 

H

 

 

 

Liza, her friend Nury, me and others at a very nice evening at Kings Castle 3 some years ago...

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[Surin Nix]

I appreciate that you've taken the time to write that highly personal and thought-provoking post Hank. You handsome devil.

Well. We get older. Wiser? Maybe. Hopefully. If wisdom is a function of life experience and native insight, sprinkled maybe with some good life role-models, then perhaps we someday find ourselves in possession of something like wisdom.

You're in good company. Along the way, I've deceived and lied too. To get what I want. Today, I share some of those regrets you mentioned. Not the desire, but the deception.

That was an honest post, on the subject of honesty. I admire you for your evolution as a more self-aware and compassionate person. Excellent post.

[mikel1]

Struck a very loud chord with me. The last year has been a turbulent and sometimes distressing ride. And I'm still 'involved' with three lb's but my greatest wish is for all of them to tell me to go and I would be free. Until...

[FRONT242]

Age does it to us.
I have done the same, heck there are closert I dare not open. For me it was and still the chase.
Even now, just a week in Bangkok with another one to go and i gave to remember and control myself

[manpower]

Great story Hank im actually dating a lb from CIB she is madly in love with me and wants me to meet her family.I am starting to really fall for her but im not rushing.She is a gem.She messages me everyday how much she missies me and loves me quality girl.

[hankhavelock]

Thank you so much for your candid replies, gentlemen. It becomes obvious to me that I'm not alone in my premonitions. For the record, this forum has been part of my last decade as well as the ladies we all adore so much.

 

This decade just rushed by - probably in many ways my best ever - I'm highly grateful - and totally addicted to Southeast Asia.

 

And in spite of my good intentions I cannot completely resist the flirting and the dating... for example right now I'm sitting in my favourite Jakarta bar working and waiting a trans-woman from Sumatra...

 

BUT the difference this time is, that I shall behave and control that this doesn't get out of hand... if I can... well, I can, and she doesn't know that. AND no repeated mistakes from me this time. I'll simply have a civilized conversation with her.

 

Oh my goodness, this is hard... a change of personal paradigm... as Brothers Johnson sang it: This Has To Be...

 

Stay funky, guys!

 

H

[hankhavelock]

And nono, obviously I'm not going to jeopardize my relationship with my little Dede - that's not an option in my mind. Socalled «open relationship» or not (in the beginning he was a bit cocky about that and was the one who initially wished that) it's not happening as Dede will not be the prime victim at all. The ladyboy will, and then we're back to square one...

[hankhavelock]

All went fine, and I was able to "contain the situation with zero collateral damage", so to speak. Besides, she lives in Sumatra and I in Jakarta, so it's not that we can easily meet.

 

But then what just went down this morning? You guessed it... I was contacted by a gorgeous, lovely and extraordinarily intelligent and educated femboy, whom I had an enormously pleasant date with several months ago (no hanky panky, though - merely a wee bit of the French stuff...).

 

He/she (awesomely feminine but not gender identifying as the opposite sex - so not transsexual, in other words) wants to meet and this time to get serious... oh... I'm just not sure I have the will-power to resist this one. He knows my situation fully and accepts it - it's not a transactional thing as he is probably financially better off than me :-) He seems quite determined...

 

Oh boy...

 

I'm so happy with Dede and I have no intentions - as said - to jeopardize our relationship, so this is a tough one. I think my strategy will be the same as with above-mentioned Sumatran ladyboy and start out with a nice dinner or drink date on neutral ground. I do sense that he is determined, though (and with an IQ that at least matches my own), so no chance of me bullshitting my way out of this. And the problem is, obviously, that I want him really bad...

 

Anyway, not until mid-June (I have excused myself, truly, with a heavy work-load currently - I'm a free-lance design/branding-consultant), so I have bought a little time.

 

I shall keep you updated - I hope my account here doesn't bother or worse BORE you guys? I sense it is relevant for several of us here at this good forum. If you want me to cork it, please tell me.

 

Peace and funk!

 

H

[hankhavelock]

Hmmm - he did not make it much easier for me. And my goodness he wants me. He is awesomely cute - so is Dede. He even accepted my situation for a while. This by itself is sort of proof of a realistic submission to the situation.

 

But again, even though he is SO lovely then I have committed to Dede, and so be it.

Nothing threatens Dede at all - that's just not going to happen.

 

H

[Beefburger]

Due to your looks and vanity?? Haha you had a big enough wallet.