16 replies to this topic

[manfredmann]

Well, it's been a long time since I've posted here, and much water under the bridge for me, so I'd like to bring things up to date a bit...and ask a question.

 

Over the past few years, I have found myself living in Bangkok for a year with my lb girlfriend (of four years now), and returning to the states to deal with things and suffering the long separation (over a year now).  All the while - almost four years now - I have fully supported my girlfriend in Bangkok, which was my choice.  She had worked in a bar for a year or so, hated it (I know that IS true, trust me on that) but I didn't meet her in a bar and, in fact, met her after she had quit.

 

We enjoyed a great life together in Bangkok, me working and she not, and have even planned to get married when we can. 

 

The time we have been separated has been difficult, and longer than anticipated, making it even more difficult.  I have often struggled, even borrowed, and sacrificed myself to support her, because that's the kind of guy I am, and if I love someone I will be fully committed. 

 

Most of her friends are former bar girls, and I am not unaware of the fact that there is an entire culture built around using men for money, nor am I blind to the fact that working in a bar is also like going to school in ways to get men to support the girls...sometimes many men.  I am quite sure she isn't getting money from other men, and believe she has been sincere in wanting to get married to me.

 

However, and here lies the meat behind my question, as it has sometimes been a struggle for me to balance everything financially, I have at times suggested that she might find some work to supplement what I give her.  Her response is, and has always been, that it is basically "impossible" for a ladyboy without a college degree to get a job doing anything other than in a bar.  I have gone along with it, believing that, if the desire is strong enough, anything is possible...even a job for a ladyboy without a college degree.  But her insistence, and the continued pressure I get, has worn thin. 

 

So, my question to those of you with actual experience living in Bangkok, or having spent a lot of time there among ladyboys, is simple; Is that true?  Just HOW hard is it for a ladyboy who is good looking, personable, and smart, but without a degree or any real experience, to get a simple job?  Not a great job, not one that pays a lot, but some kind of fucking job - not fucking.  Just a job to supplement what I give her.

 

I spent a year in Bangkok and 100 percent of my time there with ladyboys, so I am not totally blind, but most of them have money from their families, sponsors, or have degrees and normal employment...and many are former bar girls, while some are not.  But is it even possible that it is THAT IMPOSSIBLE to get a damn job?

 

Thanks mates!!!

[rxpharm]

The question should be can she find a job that pays her enough money to make her happy? The answer to that is no. It is NOT impossible for an lb to find a job, but it is difficult for an lb to find a good, reasonably paying job. Things are changing though, so compared to 10 years ago, it is better now.

 

Since you've spent so much time with lbs, you also probably know that very many of them are responsible for supporting their families (particularly the poor families). In addition to that they spend a lot of money to keep up their appearance, and unfortunately many are also into brand name fashion goods.

 

Your lb girlfriend should be able to easily find a job as a makeup artist, wedding studio assistant, cabaret showgirl, hair stylist, etc. - which are lower paying jobs, but if she becomes quite skilled at being a makeup artist/hair stylist she could earn more if she develops a good client base.

 

If she is looking for an office type job, such as a clerk, secretary, etc - it is possible, but more difficult. Also chances of an lb advancing from these positions are remote.

 

It would be a good idea for her to get a job as it would reduce the temptation to slip back into the bargirl mode (hopefully you are right and she's not playing you), and supplement whatever you are sending her. Be aware that the typical salary for an office worker is something like 7000-8000 Baht a month.

[manfredmann]

rxpharm,

 

Thank you for your thoughtful reply.  Yes, most of what you said falls in line with what I have seen, know, or guess (the possibility of a job as a makeup artist, hairstylist, etc...though I haven't thought of a couple you mentioned).  In other words, as I feel is simple common sense, even given the limitations, there ARE possibilites.  Granted, they are not high paying, but...to make it clearer as to exactly what I am speaking of...I have only ever suggested she work doing something so as to be busy and supplement what I give her - even somewhat.  And, to clarify that, I have been giving her about 18,000 to 21,000 baht per month for almost three years!  When I lived there, we lived together and I supported everything.  So, this is why I am growing tired and not buying the whole "I never have enough money" and the "totally impossible" nature of finding a job at all.

 

And, whenever I mention it, she IMMEDIATELY responds with something like "ok, i just won't ever go out and just stay at home alone all the time then" or "then I will have to work in a bar".  No discussion, just those immediate threats and forms of emotional blackmail...seems to me anyway.

 

Thanks again

[veveron]

I certainly see a lot of them working, yes it's the usual jobs, hair dresser, makeup counter. I know a Laos ladyboy who is working as a hair dresser in Pattaya. Took me awhile to figure out she wasn't freelancing or working a bar, which is not a plus in my book. (not as adventurous as her bar working sisters, but that's another issue).

 

I was told by a hotel owner in bkk, after asking about why the desk girl had a visible tattoo, that the labor market is so bad he had to drop that requirement, meaning there's lots of demand for workers out there at the current time.

 

It's funny, you, the foreigner, has a job when the Thai government puts up all those extreme hurtles to keep us from working, and she claims not to be able to work despite so many ladyboys working in retail around bkk.

 

Not saying some ladyboys can't work outside of freelancing, that certainly is true, I've been with a few like that. 

[batman4ever]

read an article on Thai visa where they claimed that over the NeXT few years there will be a shortage of labors in the range of 3-600.000

 

they should start forcing the F..... tuk-tuk drivers of phuket out to have a real Work

[Platapuss]

rxpharm,
 
Thank you for your thoughtful reply.  Yes, most of what you said falls in line with what I have seen, know, or guess (the possibility of a job as a makeup artist, hairstylist, etc...though I haven't thought of a couple you mentioned).  In other words, as I feel is simple common sense, even given the limitations, there ARE possibilites.  Granted, they are not high paying, but...to make it clearer as to exactly what I am speaking of...I have only ever suggested she work doing something so as to be busy and supplement what I give her - even somewhat.  And, to clarify that, I have been giving her about 18,000 to 21,000 baht per month for almost three years!  When I lived there, we lived together and I supported everything.  So, this is why I am growing tired and not buying the whole "I never have enough money" and the "totally impossible" nature of finding a job at all.
 
And, whenever I mention it, she IMMEDIATELY responds with something like "ok, i just won't ever go out and just stay at home alone all the time then" or "then I will have to work in a bar".  No discussion, just those immediate threats and forms of emotional blackmail...seems to me anyway.
 
Thanks again

I'm no expert , however you last paragraph sounds a lot of alarm bells for me . The way I read it she doesn't want to work at all and why would she when you are providing sponsorship . Threatening to work in the bar ( fucking for a $ ) to pull at your heart strings is a nice play on her part . Maybe I am being too harsh , but that's just how I'm seeing it .

[Torques Hit]

And, whenever I mention it, she IMMEDIATELY responds with something like "ok, i just won't ever go out and just stay at home alone all the time then" or "then I will have to work in a bar". No discussion, just those immediate threats and forms of emotional blackmail...seems to me anyway.

I think your last paragraph of your 2nd post sums everything up and answers your own question. 20,000 baht over 3 years is very very generous and I'm sure there are many LBs that would love such a generous sponsor like you. She could of set her self up her own little business with that type of money. The real concern is that she plays the emotional blackmail card, virtually giving you an ultimatum. Is that love ? I'm sure that is what you would be asking yourself too ! Good luck

[dixon cox]

There are jobs available for ladyboys outside P4P, but for probably not much above minimum wage, that's perhaps around B300 per day, plus the long hours. Sounds too much like hard work for such little gain, in her eyes.

 

It seems she's got things pretty easy with you looking after her for so long and probably thinks you'll just continue paying her to get up whenever she wants, sit on her backside chatting with her friends whenever it suits her and with zero incentive to do anything worthwhile above and beyond that cushy lifestyle.

 

In my honest opinion I think you've been giving her far too much and she's now got used to it and become lazy. Must be great to have a rich foreigner take care of all your financial needs.

 

Maybe she needs a wake-up call.

[yung havok]

I'm sponsoring a ladyboy and I've had the same discussions with him about finding "legitimate" work, having some other income to fall back on, getting off his ass, but I've come to the conclusion that its not easy for a ladyboy to find or hold down a steady job and I'm not going to push things. Besides, of all the reasons that I was attracted to him, his tenacious work ethic wasn't one of them, it has much more to do with his delicate body and exquisite male reproductive organs.  I do think your exorbitant monthly stipend facilitates the lifestyle of a loafer, which most GGs or ladyboys from the bar or p4p scene are, believe me I think they are terribly, horribly lazy people that think everything should be handed to them and its a tough ideology for them to shake, all the more so if they still interact with friends in the p4p scene.

 

But I dont think you could cut that money down now, thais are so hardheaded and that would be tantamount to you saying you don't care about him anymore.  But you have to draw the line at 18000 or 20000, not a penny more. He/she would be a fool to stir up a row, its a very good deal and you have been very generous. 

 

For comparison I have been giving a ladyboy 6000 baht a month for almost a year now, but I've spent alot more than that on a variety of things when we have stayed together, like a motorbike, gold, mobile phone, the usual suspects, with the holy grail of a boob job on the horizon, he waits happily for my return. Aside from the 6000 a month he raises ducks and chickens and does some occasional farm work and everyones happy, but thats Northeastern Isan, and so much simpler, youre talking about bangkok and thats a whole 'nother animal, a godforsaken beast, good luck 

[jaybee111]

I totally agree with Platapuss, Torques and Dixon. Why work for peanuts when she has you sending her much more than she can make. And the comment "ok I will never go out and stay at home..." damn right she will! Why do you have to pay for her entertainment when she is unwilling to contribute and help out financially to the relationship?

 

I have 2 LB friends, neither are bargirls and are strictly friends, in BKK that work legitimate jobs for a living. One works retail in Siam Discovery (until it closes in a few days, then she will go home for a bit to decide what's next) and the other works in a legitimate massage shop (she says they offer "happy ending" only, which is the case in most shops I have been to.) Yes, it is long hours for little pay but neither of them want to work as a sex worker. My point is, as others have said, there are jobs to be had if they just look.

[manfredmann]

Thanks everyone, for your most helpful comments and insights.  I was just about finished writing a very informative post here, when it suddenly got lost.  F&*^ing Hell!  Anyway, I will re write one later, sharing more of the story, as I haven't been 'round for some time.

 

Again, Cheers to all and I think there is hope in this situation.

[jonnieb]

You're a sucker and have been played big time. The best thing to do is cut your already considerable losses and toss the lazy bitch out on her ass. (Why would you ever even consider marrying such a lazy sod in the first place...great blow-jobs and hot asses are a dime a dozen in Thailand.)